Families with Addiction: Why You Need Boundaries and Support
Do you ever wake up in the mornings and think, “I did it again”? Maybe you gave your loved one money or you made excuses for them when they showed up late to a family event. Your heart is in the right place - you want to help. But the only thing that seems to happen is that you end up hurting and your loved one’s addiction gets worse.
There are many valid reasons why you may have trouble enforcing boundaries with your loved one. You may be a people pleaser, you may be a perfectionist or you may have extreme guilt. Setting boundaries is hard, and it does go against our rulebooks. But healthy boundaries are necessary, especially when your loved one has an addiction.
While it may seem easier to appease your loved one to avoid outbursts, this is not going to help them recover. You need to support their recovery and not their illness. Below are some reasons why it’s important to set boundaries and seek support for yourself.
Why Boundaries are Important in Families with Addiction
If someone in your household is suffering with addiction, the entire unit is affected. This means that everyone needs support and healing - not just the person using drugs or alcohol. Instead of focusing on trying to keep your loved one ‘happy,’ it’s a better use of your time and energy to get help and support for yourself and others in the family.
Boundaries are important in families with substance use because they:
Allow you to protect yourself and your family
Allow your loved one to experience natural consequences
Hold your loved one accountable for their actions
Help your loved one move through the stages of change, ultimately seeing the negative effects of their substance use
At first, your loved one will test the boundaries. It’s important to stay strong and follow through, otherwise they will see that your rules can be broken. When boundaries are weak, people with addiction will continue to use substances, making it harder for the family to set healthy boundaries.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
Here at Bridge The Gap, we recommend working with a professional as you set your boundaries. With professional support, you can determine what healthy boundaries look like, how to enforce them with confidence and how to follow through with the consequences. Without this support, you may feel guilty and allow your loved one to manipulate you.
The boundaries you may need to set include:
Not letting the person live in your home
Not providing your loved one with money
No longer inviting the person to family functions
Ignoring their phone calls (unless they are ready for help)
No longer bailing them out of jail or paying legal fees
Not spending time with them when they are using
Leaving if they threaten or insult you
Professional Mentoring Services
Change takes time. Getting professional support can help make this process easier and more effective. Bridge The Gap provides a number of support services for individuals and families in need. Our Parent Mentoring services focus on helping vs enabling, family dynamics and boundary setting.
We also provide services related to Recovery Coaching, Failure to Launch and Transitioning from a higher level of care to a lower level of care. With our support, compassion, encouragement and expertise, we give hope to individuals and families on their journeys to healing. To learn more about how we can support you, contact Bridge The Gap at 805-558-4599.