How Boundaries Set Your Teen and Young Adult Up for Success
Boundary setting is one of the most important parts of being a parent. Boundaries keep children safe and help them to make sound decisions, especially as they become teens and crave more independence. Adolescence is a new experience for both parents and teenagers, and having strong boundaries teaches young people what is acceptable and unacceptable.
Of course, if setting and enforcing boundaries were easy, there would be a lot less conflict between parents and teens! Some people have a difficult time setting boundaries because of their personality (e.g., people pleasers), while others lack the skills of boundary setting. It is a balancing act, and we are here to help you through!
Bridge The Gap offers mentoring services for teens and young adults, and boundaries are a main topic of focus. Let’s learn more about why boundaries are important and how they set your child up for success.
Why Boundaries are Important for Teens and Young Adults
Do you remember being a teenager and wanting your freedom? Maybe you had arguments with your parents over your curfew or wanting to go to places you weren’t allowed. This is where your child is today. They want their independence, but they still need you to keep them safe.
When you set boundaries, it’s normal to get a negative response from your teen or young adult. Keep in mind that no matter what push back you get, boundaries give your child a sense of stability. Teens and even young adults are meant to push the limits - but it is your job to enforce the rules.
The importance of having boundaries include:
Feel more in control of your teen or young adult’s behavior
Let your child know that you care about them
Help your child to feel safe and supported
Encourage your child to make informed decisions
Provide a framework with the appropriate autonomy
Creating Safe Boundaries for Your Family
Each family is unique, which means everyone’s boundaries differ. You will need to sit down and decide what is important to you and your family, and what you think your teen or young adult needs to be safe. Below are some important questions to ask yourself.
What are the most important boundaries for your family?
You may expect your child to be home by 10pm during the weekdays and 11pm on the weekends. This ensures that everyone is in their beds at a decent time, and that you are able to get restful sleep. Or, you may need to set boundaries regarding cell phone usage, such as not having phones out at the dinner table.
What boundaries are negotiable, and which are not?
Unless there’s an exception, such as coming home later because of a concert, we suggest creating boundaries that are non-negotiable (at least for now). When you go back and forth, it shows your child that they can push the boundaries when they want. However, it’s also important to be flexible and practical, as things do turn up.
What consequences are you prepared to set?
When your teen or young adult crosses your boundaries, you must be prepared to enforce the consequence. For instance, if they come home intoxicated at 2:30am and disrupt the family, there needs to be a consequence. Will you ask them to move out of the home? While this may sound harsh, without consequences, there is no reason for your child to change their behavior.
How Boundaries Evolve Over Time
Boundaries can change over time based on your child’s age, a change in family dynamics or an improvement in your child’s behavior. For example, if your teen abides by their curfew, you may want to add another hour onto their time. Or, you may want to give your teen more autonomy as they reach adult milestones. As you set boundaries, keep these tips in mind:
Remind your child that you care about them and are on their side
Set consistent limits - do not waiver!
Make sure all limits are clear and specific so that there are no “gray” areas
Clearly state your expectations
Remind your child of the consequences
Be patient and calm if your teen or young adult rejects your rules
Mentoring Services in Los Angeles
Bridge The Gap offers mentoring services for teens and young adults. Boundaries are something we talk about often, as we know that many parents struggle to set and enforce them. However, establishing boundaries is essential to running a safe and happy household and raising kids who know how to be confident and independent. After all, you want your child to thrive on their own one day.
To speak with one of our team members, contact us today at 805-558-4599. We offer in-person mentorship and coaching in Los Angeles and Ventura Counties, and virtual services for those outside our area.